Burglar Alarms

I have a car remote that has a mind of its own. It decides when it wants to work. I went grocery shopping the other day. Not my favorite kind I assure you.

The grocers had a store-full of stuff I needed, or rather my house-keeping has fallen on bad days. All on a sudden I was spotting a trend to anything I wanted to make. I would suggest a dish, and then realise one tiny but important ingredient is missing. So, I would happily switch to another dish without batting an eyelid. When that happens thrice the same day, the mind's eye discerns a trip to the grocers. I don't know how my car senses my mood, but it seemed reluctant to go along as well.

I digress..but the point of the matter is, I came back with bags hanging from very limb (also 1 bag per finger on the hand) and attempted to open the car, and it wouldn't budge. I tried from every angle, and it refused to emit the necessary rays. Another sigh, and I finally opened the car manually.

It was totally unresponsive to my remote, and when I opened it manually, it screamed and shrieked and shook violently. Well...not really, the car alarm went off, but the screaming, shrieking and shaking pretty much summed up my reactions in the parking lot. I finally cajoled it into staying quiet, but it whimpered.

"Blip Blip" it said every 2 minutes and started the alarm again.

I attempted to show it my face, and say -
"See, this is me, you idiot! You see me everyday! Stop wailing!"

When the nerves are wracked, it takes a while to reset the burglar alarm, and by the time I had figured out how to do it, cops from San Francisco, Los Angeles and San Diego were piling into their cars. I exaggerate but you get the drift.

A month ago, my dear friend's car was stolen from his community. The same model as the one I was pleading and cajoling with. Apparently, that car went without a squeak! Why did that car not go crazy? Or maybe the car thief knew exactly how to turn the burglar alarm off before the sirens wailed.

SIGH! Remind me why burglar alarms are there again?!

Surprise !!

Keeping surprises and I have a certain .. well, "relationship". I can't keep them. Its spiteful, the way they insist on tumbling out of my mouth the moment I try to keep one.

This time, 'Determined' was the word. Not one slip of the tongue - even if it means less communication at home. These surprises have played with me long enough for me to take some stern action.

I know my shortcomings, and consequently NEVER plan surprise b'day parties - I'd probably be asking the b'day boy/girl the menu. I decided to start small - a surprise birthday gift would do. I went online, and decided to buy my husband some books for his birthday. We both use the same Amazon account, and I figured the books would come soon enough.

I ordered the gifts, and came home every evening looking for the parcel from Amazon. The birthday came and went, but there was no sign of the books.

A week later, and still nothing.

How long can a sane person keep a surprise?! Left with no choice, I called my husband, and asked how long Amazon delivery usually takes. He told me what I already knew - max a week.

"Why?" he asked
"Oh .. umm nothing..I ... er ... just wanted to know. My friend asked me - so I ..er.. told her I'll ask you" *How LAME?*

You can imagine the strain on my nervous system by now. I was twitching and fidgeting with every doorbell. I could take this no more - a person needs peace. This just wouldn't do! So, I checked Amazon, and the site confirmed that I had cancelled my order.

What the >$#$#)%? I never cancelled the order. I have been looking forward to those books so much now - my head was reaching bursting point.

So, I called the old husband again, and put on my interrogative hat. For those of you who are new to interrogative techniques, let me assist you:

First the gentle prodding:
Me: Honey... Do you have anything to say about Amazon?
He: It's a great site isn't it? I saw something you might like. Just click on..

I cut the conv. short - I was piqued and desperate to get to the bottom of the matter. I also adopted the curt tone for added measure
Me: No....I mean, did you do anything with an Amazon order 15 days ago?
He: No...why would I do anything with an Amazon order? Hey...just check out what I am showing you...

An edgier tone is warranted. It helps if you also clear your throat once or twice to signal how dire the situation is
Me: *Clears throat*. REALLY! Did you or did you not cancel an order 15 days ago? I'd ordered 2 books
He: Oh...was it you who ordered those? I thought I had added them to the shopping cart by mistake and cancelled them

Cool as a cucumber!

All these days my nerves on end, and this cutlet went and cancelled the order without a squeak!

"Why would you do that?" I shrieked. "I bought them to surprise you for your birthday!"

"Oh" - Is that a response, I ask you. Is that a response?

NO MORE SURPRISES!

The Shopping Cliche

I love shopping, and it is not one of my husband's favourite activities.

When I say I love shopping, I am not an obsessive shopper, who shops 8 hours at a stretch, or demagnetizes the credit card with use. Every once in a while I love to stroll through the aisles, just looking at the interesting things out there, browsing if you may - but not necessarily online.

When something attracts my attention I alert the better half to take note. All I have to do is say is:
"Isn't this nice"

I can reel the reminder of the conversation in my sleep:
"Yes, it is....Why don't you buy it?" he quips.
"I only said it was nice, I never said I wanted to buy it!"
"Well, if you don't want to buy it, why bother telling me?"
"Because I thought of sharing my obs."

Oh well....I never learn, and he never learns. I may be generalising here, but when women shop and say something is nice, it is not always with the desire to acquire the article. There are times when the intention is to buy, but THAT, you can sense in the tone and eyes. (In such situations, regardless of what you say, we buy the article.)

Here is my theory with shopping: you have to browse around to see what you like enough to buy.
Here is my better half's theory: you have to browse around only when you know you like something well enough to buy.

My question is: how do you know you like something enough to buy, unless you spend some time aimlessly looking around?

Year 3: Birthday #1 Account

Dear all,

Ref: Year 3: Birthday #1 Account

Keerthana's first 3rd birthday party was celebrated with great pomp and splendor on her father's birthday yesterday. She did not exactly steal his thunder, but yeah....she cut the cake, wore a lovely dress, a crown and beamed as she cut the cake with her 22 3 ft friends watching with a look that combines all of the above emotions:

Anticipation, joy, enthusiasm and a weeny bit of jostling to get a good view of the cake!

Yesterday, I went along to her school, and just observed her class for a few minutes. I had taken leave yesterday because

(a) It was my dear husband's birthday
(b) I had leave that was overflowing
(c) I was sick of all the tamasha at work and just wanted a day off
(d) I really wanted to meet Keena's friends at school.

Her teacher casually mentioned that if I wanted, I could celebrate Keerthana's birthday at school. So, we had a birthday party with 22 avatars in her classroom yesterday evening at 3:00 p.m. Her father could have attended the function, but he had an important customer call. So, the guy whose birthday it really was, did not get a chance at the cake. But Keena performed admirably and glowed in all attention and finery.

The children were all standing around the table, each one trying to poke a finger into the cake (Luckily I had not yet opened it) Their teacher (bless them both) came and told them

" Children ... Please don't touch the cake. Can everyone stand with their hands tied behind? Thank you!"

Lo and behold: All eager 3 year olds stood with their hands tied behind themselves!

The cake was served and all the little ones sat and ate them while I chatted with them all. A number of them said they were Keerthana's friends.

Towards the end of the party, a Barney song was sung (lead by me and sung by all the pre-schoolers)

A word of thanks to Monsier Thaatha who assisted in buying the party items at short notice and Madame Paati who quickly put the goodie bags together.

If you need any further details, please get in touch with me.

PS: You may call her and wish her a happy birthday starting from 25th Sept through Nov 16th for the Financial Year 2007.
Reference blog: http://nourish-n-cherish.blogspot.com/2005/10/here-cake-there-cake.html

Suing God

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/20827350/

Senator sues God. The news item states it is an attempt to show how frivolous the lawsuit culture is.

So, God is summoned to the witness stand, and you just feel a cool breeze. The judge is leaning towards declaring contempt of court for filaure to appear, and a huge voice thunders from above

"GOD IS OMNIPRESENT. YOU MAY PROCEED"

Well....okay. Please take an oath in the name of God

ON WHAT?

The Bible

If it is on one of the books written on me, shouldn't you bring all the titles: Geeta, Koran and anything remotely religious?

You have to swear on God

I am God.....what use would an oath on myself do?

You would die if you lie

I don't live and I don't die. I am God

Well... are you refusing to take the oath ??

At this point thunder strikes the courtroom, and God is held to task.

Did you make thunder?

Yes that was me spattering in exasperation.

And so it goes ..

Did you know

Did you know that
(a) The gas-station 76 was named after the fact the Brits got kicked out of the US in 1776?
(b) Route 66 used to run from Chicago to LA (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Route_66)

Black days

Dec 6th, Sep 11th, Aug 6th have all become dark days in our lives thanks to the thoughtless actions harming thousands of people. Yet, the wars we wag that have daily death tolls nearing Dec 6th and Sep 11th are unheeded.

History...please enlighten us to learn from you!

Another milestone

Another milestone in the life of her first-born.

She started school. She seems to be enjoying it. The mother was having difficulty leaving her daughter to cope in the unfamiliar classroom.

As she took the 3 mile drive home, she was disoriented. She stopped at green lights, got honked at by peevish office-goers heading grumpily to work after the long week-end. In her defense, visibility was poor. (The visibility factor was later clarified by her husband as being clouded by tears, not fog as she wanted to believe.)

Here is wishing her daughter the best for the exciting life that lies ahead - school stories, new friends, a lifetime of learning.

I think this is the rough schedule for the day:

8:30-9:00: settling in time. They can play with the puzzles and toys while settling in.
9:00 - 9:30: some songs I think
9:30-9:45: snack time.
9:45-11:45: rigorous work! They have S.M.A.R.T (simple math, art & reading time) I think they also sing songs and dance at this time.
11:45 - 12:05: lunch time. They have to eat on their own
12:05 - 1:30: nap time. they have to take out their sheets, sleep and clean up after themselves.
1:30 - 2:30: they play in the playground outside. There is a silly train, slides, bicycles, sand box and swings
2:30 - 3:30: another round of S.M.A.R.T before heading back home. BTW, each of these activities have a restroom break in between. So, you can imagine how much actually gets done during the day!

Any comments may be sent without inhibitions to her mail_id. I am hoping that with the amount of money we are dishing out, she will learn to read eventually!

Defending choices

Here is a pet peeve of mine. People make choices - what irks me is the justification for these choices. When there is a choice, a person takes what works for them better - period.

You could be a person who analyzes everything to death or be someone who makes a choice rather quickly, and lets life unfold. Whatever it maybe, I don't like the approach of : "I take the high road because I am smarter"

Some choices turn out to be smart ones, some don't. The important thing is to feel comfortable with the choice when the option to choose is given to you.

I was reading this morning about parenting, and again got me thinking. Guess what? I am not an ideal mother. I am irritable, I sometimes take shortcuts with my child's food (soup is enough I declare - but that's only because I don't have the energy that day to get her to eat spinach and rice!). But overall, I am okay. My child and I enjoy each other's company - well....let's leave it there shall we? Did I make a highly intelligent choice when I initiated my daughter into reading? No! I just did what I enjoyed doing, and did it with her. Consequently, she started liking books. Instead of saying this, I could ramble on about the research that proves reading makes the brain more stimulating - guess what? I just alienated myself! Sometimes, we all make choices that may not prove to be ideal.

I hate the way parents obsess about the colds their children catch from other kids, the share and play mentality, the gentle approach - the swim class, the dance class. I may take my daughter to dance and swim classes in the future, and if she likes it, and sticks to it long enough, why not? But if at that point, you catch me talking about what a wise choice I made with the swim and dance classes - do me a favour and stop me will you? This sort of thing is infectious and the more I meet mothers, the better the chances are that I start talking like this!

Eateries

I headed home from work with such a determined mind that day, that I was going out for dinner. This happens often, but what else I had made my mind about was the fact I was not going to set foot in the kitchen that lovely Friday evening! Dinner plans were made, and we set out amidst certain excitement that comes with getting your child to stop cycling outside, and wearing something nice.

We arrived at the haute restaurant and waited for an hour outside clutching out tickets in our hands, waiting for our turn with the menus. We finally went in and sat, and when the waiter busied himself with notepad and pen to take down our orders, we gave him the first order of the evening. A special order - nothing on the menu.

A boiled egg we asked with as much nonchalance as we could muster. The sure footed waiter faltered, he stammered for a response, and said - "a-a b-boiled egg?" Yes, we beamed. I stepped in and comforted him with the assurance that I would be ordering something from the menu. "We love your food", we told him before he broke out sobbing. I could see the pride in his restaurant shattered in his eyes.

You can take my daughter to the fanciest restaurant with the most fantastic menus, but of late, what satisfies her immensely is a boiled egg. We all ate our favourite dishes, and handed a special tip to our waiter who had gone through considerable difficulty obtaining the boiled egg from the seasoned chef.

Everytime I step into Coldstone Creamery, and order a small plain vanilla icecream, I go through a similar experience. Don't blame them - check this out!

http://www.coldstonecreamery.com/icecream/original_creations.html

No one but J.K.Rowling...

My husband and I talk minimally these days. No, we are not having a row. We are on perfectly good terms.

I finished the 7th Harry Potter book and he hasn't.

Given my abyssmal track record of keeping secrets, we have mutually agreed to not talk (about it) till he finishes. But talk about it till he finishes became difficult because he is curious, and asks leading questions and before I know it...another oops moment!

So, dear hubby and I love each other, and don't talk to each other! No one but J.K.Rowling could have done that!

BTW, hubby dear, you do realise we get insecure if we aren't exercising the jabbering old mouth - so before we become really insecure, READ THE BOOK!

PS: This is also my 100th post.

Summer Reading List

Brainwaves (husband and co-blogger on our group blog came up with a comprehensive reading list based on KQED's summer list) I thought I will include a link to his post on this blog, so that readers of this blog can get the list too.

Summer reading list. Bring on your suggestions:

Looking at KQED's suggested list, some of the things stand out on first glance:
Blink
The Assault on Reason, Al Gore
The Inheritance of Loss, Kiran Desai
Finding an Angel to Fund Your Business, Joseph Bell

For the comprehensive list given by Brainwaves, please visit:

http://am-kicking.blogspot.com/2007/07/summer-reading-list.html

In general, if you have any suggestions for good books, please suggest. I am bit stuck with books such as Nemo goes to School, Thomas & Friends Nursery Rhymes etc :)

Playgrounds

My daughter has been terribly excited about starting pre-school। She has been telling everybody who cares to hear that she is going to school. So, I took her to the school one day, just so she can see what she is getting so excited about.

For the first time I realised that my little girl has always been in a protected environment, and I was curious to see how she coped. I let her play with the other children. One girl came up to her, and declared she couldn't play because she wasn't enrolled. (Yes....I was shocked too. this statement coming from a 4-year old seemed too much!) My daughter went to another area and started playing. This time too, the older girl followed her and said the same thing. I kept away on purpose. This happened twice more. then my daughter quipped- "But I am also going to school।"

That was brave! I am sure my daughter will have lots of things to talk about, and tons of interesting stories to narrate. I hope she makes lots of friends and enjoys schooling.

Breakfast

I have a unique experience with breakfast everyday.

An experience cannot be unique when it happens everyday. Here's the thing: it is unique because it probably seldom happens elsewhere.

First of all, I make and eat breakfast at work, in the break room. Most of us do. Our office is in the city, and most of us live in the suburbs. We have some archaic kitchen devices to use. Have you ever seen a plain jane toaster give you the mental satisfaction of making toast, burning toast and making pancakes all at the same time?

Our toaster does it all and more. A judicious mix of perseverance, grogginess and lack of enthusiasm to get to work is what keeps us all going to the poor toaster everyday, though the toaster begs retirement. So, this is how is starts:

1) We pop in the bread, and select the darkness level.
2) Twiddle your thumbs and wait (maybe I'll time this one day)
3) It pops noisily and the bread slides back into the toaster (yep it does)
4) You lift the toaster and shake it upside down to extricate the slice of bread
5) It is either too light or too dark, and only 1 side is toasted.
6) This is where you get the pancake feeling because you have to flip the toast and wait for the other side to get done!
7) Depending on the result in step (5), you adjust the darkness level
8) Repeat steps (2) through (4)
9) It is either too dark or too light now
10) End result doesn't matter because the taste would cancel out the burnt portion and not toasted enough sides of the toast

That, with a hot cup of coffe somehow nudges the old brain awake, and I start work!

Sleep Clubs

I admire people belonging to the other club, solely because I know I don't have a chance of ever belonging to that club. I may do the things the other club members do, but forever I shall pledge my allegiance to the my prized club - the club I really belong to!

This is the way I look at it. You can categorize people into the following categories:

(1) Those who like to get up early in the morning when the birds begin their chirping.
(2) Those who like the stillness of the night, and prefer to complete all their tasks before hitting the sack.
(3) Those who neither like staying up late to complete their tasks nor like getting up early to complete their tasks. In short, those who don't care about completing their tasks.

* By task, I mean anything from working, studying to watching a movie/cleaning.

Everyday, I get up early, leave for work early etc. But I really feel like I only belong to (2). I love my hot cuppa when the sun has moved halfway across the sky, and the birds are active and the world is already busy. Gone are the school holidays when the cold and inclement weather just made the morning snuggle even more enticing.

Ahh....late morning sleep!

PS: How coincidental that 2 days after this post of mine V.Gangadhar writes about the exact same thing in the Hindu!
http://www.hindu.com/mag/2007/06/17/stories/2007061750060400.htm

Dhania...

San Francisco has a lovely chain of eateries that cough up amazing sandwiches. It is called Specialty's Cafe. Yesterday, I took my sumptuous bite into one of them, and guess what I found - a tiny dhania seed.

Nothing surprising - just was intrigued to see dhania seeds used in any other type of cuisine - especially American. Right enough, I wiki-ed it, and found that dhania seeds are not usually used in European (except in Portigal) and American cooking. Well.....what can I say other than I love the flavour of coriander and its seeds, and relished on!

I love playing the game of guessing the ingredients in a restaurant when I am eating my favorite dishes, and wonder every now and then as to how many people do that.

Privacy ?!

It is time for me to talk about it. I have tried to keep my silence, and wander on with the vague uncomfortable feeling. Slowly, the vaguely uncomfortable turns to slightly disconcerting, and then takes on a mildly put-offish, and soon reaches a point where it bothers me enough to blog about it. I feel so strongly about it. It never lets me feel otherwise. Everyday, every few hours, there it is to remind me of the sweet freedoms that I have almost forgotten. The sanctity of the experience seems lost forever with these designs. The joy of the cleanliness factor is nullified by the 'lack of closure' factor.

Yes...I am talking about the restrooms. Why have them conceal only a portion of the cubicle? Why expose a portion of your leg during the process? There you are blissfully releasing the pent-up "stuff" when you are suddenly aware of another presence because you can see their feet. Worse yet is when these folks actually recognize you by your footwear and holler at you through the cubicle walls?

What does it take for a little extra privacy?!

Food

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2007/05/08/AR2007050801960.html

I was reading this news article, about the Queen Elizabeth's dinner in reciprocation of George Bush's presidential dinner. The dinner was served in Manning's residence (Mannings is the British ambassador in US)

"Under Manning's roof, guests dined on wild Scottish smoked salmon (appetizer), roast rib of veal (main course) and a summer pudding (dessert). Four wines were served, and the queen asked everyone to drink to the president and first lady Laura Bush, to the future of Britain and the United States and to the countries' "enduring friendship."

I don't know how hard it is to make roast rib of veal(http://www.kycattle.org/recipes.cfm?recipeid=4). Assuming it is really difficult, and takes hours of pain-staking effort - I have trouble stomaching the fact that there were totally 3 dishes. I suppose you can cut your roast rib of veal into 4 equal pieces and sample with 4 different types of wine, giving you the delusion of variety.

My Indian upbringing jarred when I saw this new item, and also realised just how much importance we place on food. I think all our social gatherings hover around food. Our wedding banters have the supreme ability of stumping the most gluttonous eater. The precise statistics are unavailable, but I presume 50% of the wedding banter involves asking one another whether they ate food. At my brother-in-law's wedding, it was surprisingly easy to make conversation with folks I saw for the first time in my life. All I had to do was smile and ask whether they had food or would like some coffee.

At a royal dinner, there must be a hundred topics to steer clear of for political reasons. The weather is too boring. What do you ask people after the "How are you", if food is out.

Manning had served as ambassador in India, and I am imagining the chefs of the the President (CP) and the ambassadorial chefs (CA) met at a bar.

CP to CA: Phew! This queen's dinner tired me out.
CA: Really? what did you make?
CP: Pakoras, Salad, Soup, bajjis for appetizers.
Pilaf, Naan, Aloo paratha, Chicken Tikka Masala, Shahi lamb curry, Malai matter panner, Malai kofta, Hyderabadi biriyani, Raita and Pickles for the main course
Ras malai, gulab jamuns, Kheer for desser
CA: Yeah! Last night, I was really tired too. I had to make wild Scottish smoked salmon (appetizer), roast rib of veal (main course) and a summer pudding (dessert).
CP: HEY! That's not fair.
CA: Sure is - took me the same time, and people enjoyed it too. See my news item - and where's yours to compare?!
CP: BAH!

How late is too late and how early is too early?

Every so often, I try to answer this philosophical question. You are in a conference and you stare at the brilliant radiance eminating from the shiny baldness of the speaker. The eminent guy is throwing jargon around like hailstones. You can start firing off your questions rightaway.

Self: What does the 3rd word in your previous sentence mean?
Shiny head: Blank stare....'AND'?
Self: No...the word before 'AND'

The moment this happens, you give shiny head the upper hand, because he can say, you have to be patient. He will explain everything eventually. AND you have instantly alienated everybody else in the room, who either wants to enjoy the monotone and relax, or find it an unnecessary interruption.

You wait for a while assuming that the jargon will eventually dribble down to a few more often used terms before you ask for clarifications. Take this as an exercise in your next technical seminar. You pen down all the fancy words that you want clarification on, and put a statistical indicator near the words. Soon, you know the shiny head's favourites. You are still seeking clarification remember.

Shiny head's list: Cognac, TR!FS, GORR

So, all you need to do is wait for the next breather to seek clarification. Now, you look around the room, and everybody nods looking as though they are grasping everything.

Cognac's blah...blah will be used while TR!FS schedules an intermediate transmission routing via GORR.

blah....blah.....blah Cognac meanwhile responds to GORR...blah blah.

The following approaches are available to you at this juncture:

1) Look equally knowledgeable, and nod your head convincingly without falling asleep.
2) Look around for the person who nods the most and ask them to explain. If the concerned person was following strategy (1), it would make them look like a prized fool and provide for some entertainment.
3) Play a word-game while pretending to take notes and run into the arms of the search engine called Google at the nearest opportunity!

I wonder how people managed before Google!

EMERGENCY LIQUIDATION! STORE CLOSING!

We are out couch shopping. Suddenly, we look at all the mails for furniture deals without taking them directly to the waste bin without a glance.

We found this store with banners in BOLD RED all over the city. The store is closing NOW, the placards proclaimed. So, we went to the place with the lure of finding a good deal.

Everything must go!!Owner Lost Lease. EMERGENCY LIQUIDATION SALE!!

You would think the store owners have to purchase their air tickets only after selling their merchandise, and leave the country by this evening.

We were unsure, but stepped in anyway. The store was full of furniture - a large store with all varieties of furniture - dressers, beds, children's beds, tables, corner pieces - everything except couches of course. So, after the first glance, the stroll through the store turned recreational. Ominous signs of liquidation loomed large over our heads wherever you turned. I walked through, wondering if the store had a particular table in Cherry wood finish, since the display model looked dull.

This is where it starts getting entertaining. There was a helpful shelf with all the available wood colors they have. And the note on the shelf was even more helpful. It added, that if I didn't find what I liked, all I had to do was tell the owner, and he would order the color for me.

Maybe, my inventory management knowledge base were rusty. I always thought that if you are closing IMMEDIATELY, you aim at reducing inventory, not ordering more to satisfy new customers. So, if they were willing to order new furniture, while holding his existing furniture inventory, what were all the EMERGENCY LIQUIDATION signs doing all over the place?

PS: This month had a lot going on, and blogging took a back-seat. So, I am back with 2 posts in a row today. I sure missed my blogger!