Surprise !!

Keeping surprises and I have a certain .. well, "relationship". I can't keep them. Its spiteful, the way they insist on tumbling out of my mouth the moment I try to keep one.

This time, 'Determined' was the word. Not one slip of the tongue - even if it means less communication at home. These surprises have played with me long enough for me to take some stern action.

I know my shortcomings, and consequently NEVER plan surprise b'day parties - I'd probably be asking the b'day boy/girl the menu. I decided to start small - a surprise birthday gift would do. I went online, and decided to buy my husband some books for his birthday. We both use the same Amazon account, and I figured the books would come soon enough.

I ordered the gifts, and came home every evening looking for the parcel from Amazon. The birthday came and went, but there was no sign of the books.

A week later, and still nothing.

How long can a sane person keep a surprise?! Left with no choice, I called my husband, and asked how long Amazon delivery usually takes. He told me what I already knew - max a week.

"Why?" he asked
"Oh .. umm nothing..I ... er ... just wanted to know. My friend asked me - so I ..er.. told her I'll ask you" *How LAME?*

You can imagine the strain on my nervous system by now. I was twitching and fidgeting with every doorbell. I could take this no more - a person needs peace. This just wouldn't do! So, I checked Amazon, and the site confirmed that I had cancelled my order.

What the >$#$#)%? I never cancelled the order. I have been looking forward to those books so much now - my head was reaching bursting point.

So, I called the old husband again, and put on my interrogative hat. For those of you who are new to interrogative techniques, let me assist you:

First the gentle prodding:
Me: Honey... Do you have anything to say about Amazon?
He: It's a great site isn't it? I saw something you might like. Just click on..

I cut the conv. short - I was piqued and desperate to get to the bottom of the matter. I also adopted the curt tone for added measure
Me: No....I mean, did you do anything with an Amazon order 15 days ago?
He: No...why would I do anything with an Amazon order? Hey...just check out what I am showing you...

An edgier tone is warranted. It helps if you also clear your throat once or twice to signal how dire the situation is
Me: *Clears throat*. REALLY! Did you or did you not cancel an order 15 days ago? I'd ordered 2 books
He: Oh...was it you who ordered those? I thought I had added them to the shopping cart by mistake and cancelled them

Cool as a cucumber!

All these days my nerves on end, and this cutlet went and cancelled the order without a squeak!

"Why would you do that?" I shrieked. "I bought them to surprise you for your birthday!"

"Oh" - Is that a response, I ask you. Is that a response?

NO MORE SURPRISES!